Today I woke up around 7 AM because my cats wanted me too. I fed them and went back to sleep for another 90 minutes.
I didn't do much during the day except download porn. Most web sites put new material out on Thursdays to beat the weekend rush.
Later in the day I went to The Men's Warehouse to pick up my new pair of pants. When I walked in the door I was amazed at the number of customers. I never thought the day before July 4th was such a big suit-buying day. I had to wait about 15 minutes before anyone was available to help me. I gave the guy my sales slip and he returned with my pants. He asked if I would like to try them on and I said yes I would. I went into the changing room and put on the pants. They fit pretty well but seemed a little long. I could tell that the pants were long because I was stepping on them with my heel. I left the room to see myself in the mirror. The guy that brought me my pants had gone off and was helping another customer. After about 5 minutes he came back. I told him that my heel was stepping on the pant and that I would like to try a pair of dress shoes to see if that would change anything (I had worn sneakers today). He asked what size shoe I wore. I wanted to tell him 11, but I had to settle for 8 and 1/2. I don't think he gave the right size shoe because I could only fit about half my foot in it. He yelled to someone in the back "I need a pair of 9's!" and left to help another customer. I said outloud, "What is going on here?" But of course, nobody was around to hear me. I waited another few minutes until someone came from the back and asked who needed the 9's. I raised my hand and she handed me the shoes and went back from wherever she came from. I put the shoes on and checked myself out in the mirror again. The pants were definitely too long. Again, several minutes passed before anyone came by to help me out. He measured the pants. I went back to the changing room to change clothes, fully expecting to emerge from the room and find no one waiting for me. I was pleasantly wrong this time. He took the pants from me and said they could alter them right away, but it would take 20-30 minutes because they were so busy. I had several other errands to run and told him I would have to come back. He gave a customer pick-up slip and I went on to my other errands. I finished up my errands and called The Men's Warehouse after I returned home. I asked them if they were busy and I was told they were very busy. I thanked him and hung up. I guess I'll have to make a special trip on Saturday to pick up the pants.
I just re-read what I wrote. I am an extremely boring person. If they ever make boring an Olympic sport, I'm guaranteed a gold.
The rest of my day was not spent drinking. Thursdays are amphetamines day. I'm doped up.
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Lowell relaxing as only he can in his monkey mask, goggles and pipe.
Lowell Cooper
Lowell relaxing as only he can in his monkey mask, goggles and pipe.
Welcome To My Blog
It all started when I was 8. I was sitting in the recliner watching The Partridge Family when I noticed my parents going out the door.
"Bye, we're never coming back," my mother said.
I sat in the chair wondering what to do. I went to bed hoping they'd be back in the morning. They weren't. I heard a knock on the door. It was the tax collector.
He said, "You owe taxes."
I told him I was only 8 and had no money so he took the house. I was now out on the street. I begged for food, clothing, $100 bills. I received nothing. I got a job at a local auto service place, but I got fired when they found out I couldn't do a lube job. I then wondered around the foothills of the Kettle Moraine region in Wisconsin. I returned to my old profession of begging. This time I only asked for $50 bills. I received many. I was also mugged, beaten and robbed. I was sleeping on the side of the road when a big black limosine pulled up. It was Alice Cooper. He gave me a glass of milk and dropped me off at the nearest orphanage with a boa constrictor wrapped around me. A couple of social workers saw me and told me not to move. I couldn't hear them so I walked in their direction. The boa then left me and started attacking anything and everything. They finally stopped it after it had killed its fifth victim, a pudgy six-year-old. In spite of this incident they welcomed me with open arms. A week later, I got bored and left. I soon found myself in Denver, Colorado. There, I saw in a store window, the snake Alice has given me. I went into the store and demanded my snake back. They wouldn't give it to me because I didn't have a sales receipt. That night I broke into the store to get my snake back. Unfortunately, I tripped the silent alarm and was caught by the police. I spent 8 months in jail doing hard labor. I came out looking like the Hulk, except I wasn't green. I then wondered around until I got to when I am today... Nowhere.
"Bye, we're never coming back," my mother said.
I sat in the chair wondering what to do. I went to bed hoping they'd be back in the morning. They weren't. I heard a knock on the door. It was the tax collector.
He said, "You owe taxes."
I told him I was only 8 and had no money so he took the house. I was now out on the street. I begged for food, clothing, $100 bills. I received nothing. I got a job at a local auto service place, but I got fired when they found out I couldn't do a lube job. I then wondered around the foothills of the Kettle Moraine region in Wisconsin. I returned to my old profession of begging. This time I only asked for $50 bills. I received many. I was also mugged, beaten and robbed. I was sleeping on the side of the road when a big black limosine pulled up. It was Alice Cooper. He gave me a glass of milk and dropped me off at the nearest orphanage with a boa constrictor wrapped around me. A couple of social workers saw me and told me not to move. I couldn't hear them so I walked in their direction. The boa then left me and started attacking anything and everything. They finally stopped it after it had killed its fifth victim, a pudgy six-year-old. In spite of this incident they welcomed me with open arms. A week later, I got bored and left. I soon found myself in Denver, Colorado. There, I saw in a store window, the snake Alice has given me. I went into the store and demanded my snake back. They wouldn't give it to me because I didn't have a sales receipt. That night I broke into the store to get my snake back. Unfortunately, I tripped the silent alarm and was caught by the police. I spent 8 months in jail doing hard labor. I came out looking like the Hulk, except I wasn't green. I then wondered around until I got to when I am today... Nowhere.
Favorite Movies (in no particular order)
- The Godfather
- Airplane
- Monty Python And The Holy Grail
- The Godfather, Part II
- Plan 8 From Outer Space
- Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid (note: I haven't seen this one, but I've heard about it from Scott. Constantly. Over and over and over again.)
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About Me
- Lowell Cooper
- I am not pretty. I have many moles on my back. Several of which, I'm sure, are cancerous.
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