Is it over yet?

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, but I've been very busy. What with work, sleeping, eating and TV there just isn't time to blog, let alone wipe my ass after I crap.

Well Detroit just elected a new temporary mayor to replace the previous temporary mayor who replaced the disgraced mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Dave Bing, former Detroit Piston basketball star beat out Ken Cockrel Jr for the post. Ken Cockrel became mayor when Kwame Kilpatrick pleaded guilty to 2 felony counts of obstruction of justice in a whistleblower case. He and his mistress Christine Beatty, his chief of staff at the time, both lied about having an affair during the trial. Text messages proved this fact along with the fact that they conspired to fire the police officer investigating an "alleged" wild party at the mayor's residence - the Manoogian Mansion. The Detroit city charter states that the president of the Detroit City Council becomes mayor if the mayor can not finish his term. Ken Cockrel Jr was the president of city council at the time. Now that Dave Bing has become mayor, Ken Cockrel Jr is expected to resume his job as city council president. However, current city council president Monica Conyers is putting up a stink about it. The city charter states that the president of city council becomes mayor until a new mayor is elected. The implication is that the interim mayor would return to city council when the new mayor is elected. However, Mrs. Conyers says that since the charter does not specifically spell out this situation, then she should remain president. And Ken Cockrel Jr is out of a job.

Monica Conyers is a nutcase.

Go to www.youtube.com and search for Monica Conyers and you'll find several videos of her antics on city council. Side note - search for Barbara Rose Collins as well. She's a real hoot when she sings Onward Christian Soldiers during a council meeting.

Also, my workforce agreement with EDS, an HP Company ends on May 31st. So I may be drunk the rest of the month. With GM in such dire straits, no one is safe from the bitch slap of Father Fate. I have no idea what that means.

GM CEO Fritz Henderson today and in his previous job as Sergeant John Taggert in the Beverly Hills Cop movies.

What was I thinking?

I thought about a lot of thing while I was growing up...

When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would respond with "I want to be a Nielson Family" because I thought they got paid to watch TV.

I always heard on the news about people getting robbed at gunpoint, or having their cars taken at gunpoint. And I wondered... Why do people keep going to Gunpoint? Bad things always seem to happen at Gunpoint.

I've never understood what an unretouched photo is.

Once upon a time there were 2 Chinese. Now look how many.

After all this, it finally dawned on me - I'm stupid.

Why won't Janice Dickenson call me? By now she must know that I'm head-over-heels infatuated with her.

BTW - Entering 'Snake wine bottles' at www.google.com will not bring up this web site.

Another Celebrity Dream...

Here's another dream I had recently.

I was out golfing with Triple H as my partner. For those of you who do not know who Triple H is, he is a wrestler with the WWE (that's World Wrestling Entertainment for the literate people out there). Anyway, we would come up to each tee and park behind the carts of the foursome currently teeing off. Triple H would then get out of the cart (he was driving) and sneak up on the other carts. He would then open a valve that would allow all the electricity to leak out of their batteries (anything can happen in a dream). After the foursome would finish their tee shots, we would take off, laughing at them. We would then drive up to where their shots landed and whack the balls way off to the side, continuing with our devious laughter. And pointing at the hapless golfers who couldn't get their carts moving. Then we'd move on to the next tee and do the same thing all over again.

I didn't say it was an interesting dream.

I'm hoping for another Janice Dickenson dream tonight.

It's almost after midnight on a Friday during Lent. Fire up the grill, we're cookin' dead cows!

Really? Janice Dickenson?

I had another weird dream last night. I dreampt that I was sleeping and the phone rang at 4:30 AM. My brother answered the phone, which was odd because he lives in Arizona and I live in Michigan. Anyway, he hands me the phone and says, "It's for you" and he goes back to bed.

"Hello," I stammered, still half asleep.

"Where are you? You're supposed to be here by now," was the reply.

"Who is this?" I asked.

"It's Janice Dickenson, the world's first supermodel. Your cats have a commercial shoot today and they were supposed to be here by 4 AM."

"I don't know anything about this." And with that, I hung up the phone and went back to sleep.

My cats woke me right at that point. So what does the dream mean? I have no clue. But if Janice Dickenson calls me again tonight, I'll invite her over for a couple of drinks because she's a hot lookin' woman.

And, hey, boys and girls, don't down dramamine with whiskey. Use vodka.

I saw this and thought it was soooo funny...

histoire de photocopie...mdr
Uploaded by zemila

Did you hear the one about...

So these two cannibals are munching on a clown when one cannibal says to the other, "This clown tastes like shit. He must have been an asshole."

I like banana bread.

My doctor said that my potassium levels are too high and I need to cut back on foods high in potassium. I thought he said possum. I told him I had no problem cutting back on foods that are high in possum. He laughed at me. I was serious. It wasn't until 15 minutes later that I understood what he said. I then laughed at me.

Hope you don't eat too many foods high in possum.

"Smiles, everyone. Smiles."

How often has this happened to you?

Have you ever come home from work, sat on the couch and soon find yourself in a puddle of warm urine? I have. And I'm not talking about a bladder control problem either. I'm talking laziness. I gotta tell you, many's the time I needed to take a whiz but I was just too lazy to get off my ass. So I pissed myself. Luckily, I purchased an industrial strength bottle of Febreeze. That way, my sofa cushions stay minty fresh.

Mmmmm... Pumpkin bread.