My Dinner With Ed

I wonder if onion/garlic flavored coffee would work?

At work yesterday, they made me give a 15 minute dissertation on the rise and fall of the Holy Roman Empire and its effect on naval lint picking machines. I didn't do so good.

I had another dream last night...
I dreampt that I was going to dinner with Ed McMahon, his son, his nephew and a childhood friend of mine named Randy. Ed said this a swanky place and that he ate there so often, he had his own table in a VIP room. We had to dress nice so I wore a bland suit and tie with a white shirt. My three compadres all wore tuxedos. As we pulled up to the "swanky" restaurant in the limo, I noticed the restaurant sign. It read "Bucky's Inn". It turns out the "swanky" restaurant was nothing more than a greasy spoon.

As we entered the restaurant, I saw a table full of other friends of mine. They were all laughing and having a great time as was the rest of the bar/grill. We were led to Ed's VIP room, which happened to be in the sub-basement next to a secondary kitchen. Ed's table was nothing more than a card table and aluminum chairs. The cook came out in his dirty, bloody apron and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. A fly was buzzing around his head.

Ed ordered first. "I'll have the vitrolica."

The other two quickly agreed. I had no idea what vitrolica was so I asked to see a menu. The cook threw a menu on the table. I picked it up and opened it. All the items were some form of vitrolica. Pepper Vitrolica; Italian Vitrolica, Mushrooms & Vinegar Vitrolica. Some of the items had pictures next to them. They all looked like fish.

I asked the cook, "Is vitrolica some kind of fish?"

He replied, "Yeah, I got fish."

"What kind of fish?"

"You know. Fish."

I ordered the fish. As we waited for our food, I asked Ed's nephew what he did for a living. Ed interrupted me with "We don't talk about his 'occupation'"

His nephew shot back "That was a long time ago. I've reformed."

I was starting to get a little nervous.

"Once a drug dealer, always a drug dealer" Ed's son said.

"Yeah," Ed agreed.

"I don't have to take this" the nephew said. He got up from the table and left. I had to move my chair to let him get by. I was afraid he was going to stick a shiv in my neck as he passed. He didn't. The food arrived at that point. I don't think my meal was fish. It was kind of like a ball of mashed potatoes with blue and red splotches on it. Everyone else was digging into their vitrolica with reckless abandon. If I didn't know better, I thought the end of the world was coming, the way they were chowing down. My alarm went off then so I don't know what was going to happen next. And I don't think I want to know.

When will I have a sex dream?

I got a catalog in the mail today from ShopPBS.org. There were DVDs that were shown on PBS for sale in it. As I was thumbing through it, one of the titles caught my eye. It was Autism: The Musical. Thinking this may be another Springtime For Hitler (look it up in Wikipedia), I read the write-up. It was actually about 5 children with autism and their relationship with their acting coach. I didn't buy the DVD.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.