Today I started a week-long vacation. I went to The Men's Warehouse because I had several coupons that expire on July 3. Two of them were for 10% off and the other one was for $25 off. I didn't know if they could all be used together or you could only use one at a time so I took all three. I was told I could only use 1 coupon/visit. Since the total of my purchase was about $130, I used the $25 off coupon because that was more than 10% off ($130 * 10% = only $13). I then went to One-Hour Martinizing to get a pair of pants dry cleaned. What is Martinizing anyway? And why does it only take one hour? I can't pick up my pants until after 5PM tomorrow, but martinizing can be done in 60 minutes? I don't buy it. I always think if I get my pants martinized, they'll come back all stiff and shiny. Like metal.
The rest of my day has been spent drinking.
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Lowell relaxing as only he can in his monkey mask, goggles and pipe.
Lowell Cooper
Lowell relaxing as only he can in his monkey mask, goggles and pipe.
Welcome To My Blog
It all started when I was 8. I was sitting in the recliner watching The Partridge Family when I noticed my parents going out the door.
"Bye, we're never coming back," my mother said.
I sat in the chair wondering what to do. I went to bed hoping they'd be back in the morning. They weren't. I heard a knock on the door. It was the tax collector.
He said, "You owe taxes."
I told him I was only 8 and had no money so he took the house. I was now out on the street. I begged for food, clothing, $100 bills. I received nothing. I got a job at a local auto service place, but I got fired when they found out I couldn't do a lube job. I then wondered around the foothills of the Kettle Moraine region in Wisconsin. I returned to my old profession of begging. This time I only asked for $50 bills. I received many. I was also mugged, beaten and robbed. I was sleeping on the side of the road when a big black limosine pulled up. It was Alice Cooper. He gave me a glass of milk and dropped me off at the nearest orphanage with a boa constrictor wrapped around me. A couple of social workers saw me and told me not to move. I couldn't hear them so I walked in their direction. The boa then left me and started attacking anything and everything. They finally stopped it after it had killed its fifth victim, a pudgy six-year-old. In spite of this incident they welcomed me with open arms. A week later, I got bored and left. I soon found myself in Denver, Colorado. There, I saw in a store window, the snake Alice has given me. I went into the store and demanded my snake back. They wouldn't give it to me because I didn't have a sales receipt. That night I broke into the store to get my snake back. Unfortunately, I tripped the silent alarm and was caught by the police. I spent 8 months in jail doing hard labor. I came out looking like the Hulk, except I wasn't green. I then wondered around until I got to when I am today... Nowhere.
"Bye, we're never coming back," my mother said.
I sat in the chair wondering what to do. I went to bed hoping they'd be back in the morning. They weren't. I heard a knock on the door. It was the tax collector.
He said, "You owe taxes."
I told him I was only 8 and had no money so he took the house. I was now out on the street. I begged for food, clothing, $100 bills. I received nothing. I got a job at a local auto service place, but I got fired when they found out I couldn't do a lube job. I then wondered around the foothills of the Kettle Moraine region in Wisconsin. I returned to my old profession of begging. This time I only asked for $50 bills. I received many. I was also mugged, beaten and robbed. I was sleeping on the side of the road when a big black limosine pulled up. It was Alice Cooper. He gave me a glass of milk and dropped me off at the nearest orphanage with a boa constrictor wrapped around me. A couple of social workers saw me and told me not to move. I couldn't hear them so I walked in their direction. The boa then left me and started attacking anything and everything. They finally stopped it after it had killed its fifth victim, a pudgy six-year-old. In spite of this incident they welcomed me with open arms. A week later, I got bored and left. I soon found myself in Denver, Colorado. There, I saw in a store window, the snake Alice has given me. I went into the store and demanded my snake back. They wouldn't give it to me because I didn't have a sales receipt. That night I broke into the store to get my snake back. Unfortunately, I tripped the silent alarm and was caught by the police. I spent 8 months in jail doing hard labor. I came out looking like the Hulk, except I wasn't green. I then wondered around until I got to when I am today... Nowhere.
Favorite Movies (in no particular order)
- The Godfather
- Airplane
- Monty Python And The Holy Grail
- The Godfather, Part II
- Plan 8 From Outer Space
- Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid (note: I haven't seen this one, but I've heard about it from Scott. Constantly. Over and over and over again.)
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About Me
- Lowell Cooper
- I am not pretty. I have many moles on my back. Several of which, I'm sure, are cancerous.
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