Just Some Rambling Thoughts...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

A Long Time Has Passed...

I need to update this blog more often. I don't because it is easier not to. It has nothing to do with my thought process, it's just that I'm lazy. I have thoughts every day. I just don't feel the need to post them for all the world to see. Many of my thoughts lately have been very personal. Thoughts I don't want to let out because countries and marriages will be ruined by them - many countries and many marriages, some more that 20-30 years old. Now, if I were to pass away for some unexpected reason, I do have documents sealed away that will point to the probable perpetrators. As long as I stay alive, no one will know the things I know. Such as the number of actual moon landings that really occurred - hint: it rhymes with shero. Also, Miami Vice was real.

Whatever happened to Phil Collins?

Classic Match Game response:
Gene Rayburn: I'm glad I didn't get my [blank] stuck in that machine.
Charles Nelson Reilly: Wee Wee.
Bret Somers: Cock.

I've had a lot of gas

It's been a long time since my last post. I promise to post more often for those of you still following me.

I've been tooting almost every half hour this weekend. Why? I don't know. But it feels good. I'm not as bloated as I was last week.

On another note, I had this vision pop into my head this afternoon. It's an idea for an Archie Comic book. You remember Archie Comics, with Jughead, Reggie, Veronica and Betty, right? Well I had an idea for a filler page. In the first panel, Jughead is coming out of a classroom with what looks like a beer bottle in his hand. Archie and Reggie are standing on the opposite side of the hallway. In the second panel, Mr Weatherbee (the principal) run by and grabs the bottle out of Jughead's hand. The third panel shows Mr Weatherbee still running. He's drinking from the bottle and saying "Everybody loves liquor." In the fourth panel, Mr Weatherbee sees the label on the bottle. It reads 'Nitro-Glycerin'. He says "Egad". In the last panel, he blows up. Wouldn't that teach our young people of today that liquor is bad?

And how about me using the term 'young people of today'. I sound like my parents. Next thing you know I'll be saying things like "All that rapping music of today. That's just going to lead to kissing, weird dancing and doing of the drugs." That's all for now. I'll have more later. Unless I find something better to do. Like watching them paint the new yellow lines on the street.

I'm Getting Old

I'm getting old.

It's gotten to the point that I'm afraid to fart because, you know, who knows what might come out of there. Hell, I'm even afraid to walk fast. My treadmill, if I had one, would be used as a pseudo Christmas tree - ornaments hanging from the handle and a white rug (with the phrase "Merry Christmas" written in spilled red wine) tossed over the bottom portion. I would even rather belch than risk a fart at this point. Where has all the fun gone?

I'm getting old.

I really like the smell of IcyHot. Kinda reminds me of Ben Gay and candy cigarettes. But for the love of God and all that is holy, do not rub Ben Gay on your ass and stuff a candy cigarette up your bunghole and then try to fart. Trust me on this one.

I'm getting old.

I make the old man noise when I get out of a chair. Sometimes I forget things like what day it is and that I'm not supposed to kill.

I'm getting old.

I like watching 60 Minutes. Andy Rooney makes some good points.

I'm getting old.

I have more hair in my nose and ears than on my head. I have a theory on that - Hair gets lazy as you get older and it can't quite make it to the top of your head so it stops in the nose and ears. I think I'll let my ear hair grow and use it as a comb-over.

I'm getting old. But I still like fart jokes. Did I tell you the one about the Ben Gay and candy cigarettes?
I did? I'm getting old.

9:07 PM - Time for Hot Pockets!